Todays Post - In which the Author Discusses Orcs at Length

If you have never read J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogy or sen the New LIne Cinema film adapations, or if you just know somebody else who has, then chances are that you or somebody you know has at least once made the statement, "I wish Elves (or Hobbits, or Dwarves) were real."  And who wouldn't?  Such beings are supposed to be the embodyment of the human ideal.   Such beings, such flawless icons have been part of the human mythos since the first stories were passed down orally from generation to generation.  Some became parts of epic legend. Others became fairytales.

But they all have certain qualities in common. the most overt of these qualities is that there are certain creatures who are by default "the bad guys". They are not bad because they learned to be bad, nor because they are following orders or because they did not get enough hugs when they were just wee little bad-guys. They are just born that way, and they live that way and that is how they die. Furthermore, they need not even do anything particularly bad to let the reader know that they are bad-guys. They just need to have different coloured skin, pointy ears, jagged teeth, and perhaps a tail or some other superfluous appendages, and poor posture. Remember kids.. different is bad.

Being that I was a rather different kid myself, it should not have surprised anybody that I did not care for how most childrens' stories ended with some innocent dragon being slain or some giant being ousted from the top of his beanstalk for the sole crime of being overly big. While I can appreciate classic fairytales and fantasy literature just as much as enybody else, I cannot help but to believe that the people who perpetuated them also perpetuated -quite innocently- their own prejudices and bigotries.

So you might say I am the self-appointed advocate for the downtrodden and misrepresented bad-guys of the fairytale and fantasy world.  A few years ago I started a webcomic called 28mm Theatre  which takes the point of view of an army of goblinoid wargaming miniatures and the 4'X4' tabletop world they live in. I also wrote a few stories (some serious, some lighthearted) from the bad-guy perspective. They are not so bad. They're just misunderstood.

That being said, I have somewhere around two-hundred goblinoid models in 28mm scale who have not been on any campaigns lately and are finding themselves besieged by dust-bunnies. Picking a fight has been difficult of late, but I have found a game system that appeals to at least one opponent, and more importantly, my orcs and goblins have fun playing.

The website is Freewargamesrules.co.uk,  and the game is called Skull Crusher. (The link to the free downloadable rules on PDF should appear near the top of the main page amidst the recent file updates).

The game, according to the website is:

A fantasy skirmish wargame that has no illusions about itself. Its full rules fill a whole FOUR pages. It has no œpeusdo-historical backstory. It welcomes all fantasy miniatures into play, regardless of origin, base or painted condition.

We gave it a try two nights ago. Each side's forces consisted of roundabout ten models. Models get modifiers based on armament, armour and race. There are only a handful of modifier charts to keep up with, and with time and repeated gameplay I think a player could memorize them. Each turn-phase starts with an initiative roll. The player who wins initiative makes all his/her moves and attacks first. Melee combat is resolved by both models attacking and defending simultaneous, with a slight advantage going to any attacking models who have just charged into combat. Each model rolls to see if their attack succeeded, and then each attacked model rolls to see if it defended successfully. Suich issues as supported attacks are handled simply and intuitively, Archery and other ranged attacks are minimally complex, but the effective ranges of various weapons are represented appropriately. There are no rules for magic, but I believe magic could be adequately adapted to this system without completely destroying the game's simplicity. As for the setting, it is all up to the player. The only differences between the different armies are that Elves get a bonus when shooting. Dwarves get a bonus when defending. Orcs get a bonus when fighting hand-to-hand..and humans... well... they get to be like humans.

My ONLY gripe with the game is that the developer has it in his head that orcs are the bad-guys.

So now you know what my orcs are up to. Perhaps soon I will post some pictures of my li'l bad-guys in action.